...is killing me! JET says response letters were mailed out on April 1, so i should hear the answer any day now.
i don't know why, but the period of time from my interview until now just flew by. i thought that month would be the one where i'd be the most impatient/anxious, but i guess i was lucky enough to have other things like the UBC tri & Session 12 to look forward to, which helped the time pass quick.
but now i think i'm esp. nervous b/c 1) i really couldn't get a read on how the interview went, and 2) if i don't get it...i don't exactly have a backup plan yet. O_o
i've gone through the possible scenarios in my mind too, tried imagining/imitating the emotions i'd feel if i got accepted or rejected, wondered what kind of reaction i'd have either way...i wonder if it'll feel weird; having all the days spent waiting fly by, and then right when i open that envelope and read the verdict...time stands still.
i figure if it's a "Yes" the time between then and the July departure will fly by as well, but if it's a "No"...time at work will pass by drearily @ a sluggish pace. i think the worst would be the "Maybe" response, which would mean i'm on the list of "Alternates" meaning you're on stand-by just in case some people turn down the offer. i think that would totally suck...i'd rather just get a "No" and be able to move on from there instead of having that glimmer of hope and having to put stuff on hold for another few months "just in case"...
sucks. kinda like trying to decide if you should say 'yes' and agree to go out w/ someone that's made it pretty obvious she digs you even though you're not that into her, while at the same time wondering about someone else who you haven't really gotten a chance to know yet but feel strangely attracted to...whether or not to risk making a move because...
ah but yes, i digress.
all this jabber is meaningless really. just stuff to keep me occupied as i watch the days go by...twiddling my thumbs away here in the office as i patiently wait to hear my fate...
i've some art & philosophy to leave behind today:
"Many cultures attach sacred meaning to the bloom of the lotus flower. In addition to its symbolism and mythology, its exquisite beauty transcends all cultures. As the only plant to fruit and flower simultaneously and emerge from the depths of the muddy waters, it symbolizes the manisfestation of the universal Buddha Nature or Christ Consciousness inherent in all of creation.
The behavior of the lotus is metaphoric to the potential of human nature. Through most life experiences, especially those that test our strength and spiritual beliefs, we are given the opportunity to learn and hopefully understand more about the universe and ourselves. In darkness, beauty emerges into light and reveals that life is indeed remarkable."
l o t u s
purity and beauty in the midst of adversity...
:additional info: